Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
