I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
