At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
