A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
she pinky promised me she was 18
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
