I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
