Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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