Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Randomize
