i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
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