I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
My penis needs a shock collar
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
