I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
