you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
