At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
