You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
