I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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