Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
