he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Less talking, more tequila
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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