I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
