oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
