If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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