i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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