I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
