fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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