she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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