She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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