You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
