she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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