i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
