Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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