I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Everyone says I win the strip club
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
