Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
