if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
