Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
