yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
