i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
