I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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