OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
