His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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