did you get engaged???
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
