I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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