i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
We left an ass print on the piano.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Randomize
