I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
