I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
