I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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