ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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