From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
