Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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