In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
