I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
