i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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