My brain says no but my pants say off.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
