i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
