Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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