I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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