ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
