Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
