Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
